Sometimes You Can('t?) Go Back

[Bloom]

For a moment it was as if nothing was wrong; that everything was how it should be. As Sky returned the kiss with more passion than she ever remembered, Bloom felt the dying hope within her rekindle. The feelings were still there, he was just suppressing them. They could make this work. If she wasn’t the girl he remembered breaking up with, but the one he had fallen for, then they could just go back to how things were. Whatever she had done, it had been because of a spell. Everything else was just a side effect. Whatever he felt for this other girl was just a side effect. This moment, this kiss, was real.

And it was over.

Attempting to stifle a sob as Sky abruptly pulled away, Bloom could feel her whole body shaking with loss. His words cut through her like a sword, tearing down everything that brief moment had restored. Wrong. He had called it wrong.

As he hurried away she didn’t bother to hold it in anymore. Even as he tried to apologize and mounted his bike, she fell to her knees, allowing her emotions to overtake her. She couldn’t reply. No words could be formed through her crying.

[Sky]

Decision time. It was decision time. Christine or Bloom. Leaving Bloom now, turning away from her and never looking back . . . he could explain to Christine how he had made a mistake in kissing Bloom; somehow, he knew that she would be able to forgive him for his transgression once. But probably only if he swore to stay away from Bloom. And then, if he agreed to do that, he and Christine could be happy. This blemish to his name could be forgotten and his relationship with her would continue to grow and then, who knew? In a few years they could be married and that would be that.

The only question was, Sky thought as he stared achingly at the familiar figure crumpled on the ground only a few feet away, could he stay away from Bloom after that kiss? After that reawakening of past feelings? Could he just keep his distance when his mind was swarming with questions that were screaming to be answered?

But it was a question of loyalty. Of what was right. Whether or not Bloom remembered it, he had broken up with her. They were over. He was with Christine. And didn't that automatically mean that his loyalty went to her? That no matter how many questions he had, it was Christine that he had to think about? That was where his loyalty should lie.

But then there was also the question of honor. He was a specialist first and foremost, Sky thought, unconsciously clenching his jaw as he struggled with his internal conflict. And if there was one thing a specialist did not do it was to leave someone to fend for themselves when they couldn't. And if Bloom's current state indicated anything, it was that she was in no shape to fight off anyone should someone try to attack her. It was perhaps a long shot, but the possibility was there nonetheless. And since there was no telling if she even remembered how to get back to Alfea, and no telling if anyone even knew that she was out here by the lake, Sky knew that he couldn't very well just leave her.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Sky then swallowed hard as he steered his bike closer to where Bloom was lying. With difficulty, his eyes focused on some point far ahead of him in the distance, Sky said, his voice devoid of emotion, "Get on. I'm going to take you back to Alfea; at least I'll know that you'll be safe there."

[Bloom]

Crumpled on the ground, Bloom kept her head bent forward, her long hair hiding her face from view. If what he said was true, it had to have been a spell, but if she had suddenly started acting so completely out of character, why didn’t he question it? Why didn’t anyone? They had all just accepted that she had turned into some brat and were perfectly fine with it? There was no question that the very thought stung. What if he had cheated on her and saw this drastic personality change as a way out? None of this made any sense. Her friends, her boyfriend... did none of them know her at all?

She barely heard his approach, but his voice, the sheer hollow tone it contained, she did hear. Trying to keep her shoulders from shaking, she shook her head instead. As much as she wanted to climb on the bike behind him and wrap her arms around him, she knew as soon as they got to Alfea she would have to let him go. And from his tone, how prepared he was to run away, she had to wonder if he really cared at all. He was a hero. Of course he couldn’t leave some distraught damsel out here all alone. It was his duty to make sure she got home safe, nothing more. But she was strong, she could take care of herself. Maybe it didn’t appear like she could right now, and maybe she really couldn’t, but it didn’t matter. He knew her, at least she had thought he did.

“You know me, Sky. You know me. How could...” she whispered, but she couldn’t finish the sentence. Instead she just shook her head again. She didn’t want his help out of pity or duty.

[Sky]

Knowing that there was no explanation he could give her that could possibly make her understand - especially as the more he considered it, the less he himself understood about how he could not have thought for a moment that something hadn't been right about the way Bloom had been acting those past few months - Sky instead chose to remain silent. Had he truly been so clueless? Had he actually been so distracted with his life that he had actually been able to attribute Bloom's drastic change in character to nothing more than her true colors finally showing through? True, his life for the past few months had seemed like it had been filled with nothing but one disaster after another, but it was nevertheless disquieting that something he knew he should have been more suspicious of just passed by him inconspicuously.

Unable to express these thoughts to Bloom, however, his shame simply too immense, Sky instead reached down and wrapped his hand around her slender arm, pulling her gently up to her feet. And though his tone was still distant when he finally spoke, his eyes told a different story as they peered down at Bloom beseechingly. "Please don't fight me on this; I'm not going to just leave you out here."

[Bloom]

She wanted to yell at him and tell him to leave her alone, but more than that she didn’t want to be alone. Just hours ago she had woken up alone and confused with no idea where she was. She didn’t want to feel anything akin to that again, and besides, whoever had done this to her in the first place, if they found out she was back, out here she would be fair game. Nobody but Sky knew she was here and unless Flora had told anyone yet, that only made two people that knew she was back at all.

When it came down to it, she couldn’t bring herself to protest. This was all too much to handle at once. It had been enough to deal with having her memories tampered with, but to add on top of that the meeting with Brandon and the knowledge of what Stella must be going through? More than enough. But to then find out that Sky had not only dumped her, but dumped her for another girl? More than too much.

Silently she gave in. Slowly seating herself on the levabike behind him, she didn’t wrap her arms around him as she yearned to do, instead just grabbing a fistful of his coat. The cold, unfeeling clothing was the alternative to the warm body that just wasn’t hers to hold anymore.

[Sky]

Though the ride from the lake back to Alfea's main courtyard only took a few minutes in the most, it was without a doubt the most uncomfortable span of time that Sky could remember ever having lived through. Even that dinner from hell where his parents hadn't told him that their intention for the evening had been to set him up on a blind date couldn't compare to the heaviness and silence that weighed down on his shoulders - a silence that was only interrupted by the low drone of his bike's engine.

Shifting gears, Sky couldn't help but breathe a quiet sigh of relief at the sight of Alfea's unmistakable facade emerging up ahead. A few moments later, Sky pulled to a stop outside the front steps and then slowly turned his body so that he was partially facing Bloom. Knowing that she was about to bolt, Sky placed a staying hand on her wrist before he said quietly, unable to bear the idea of letting her go without one last attempt at an explanation, "I'm sorry, Bloom. I know those seem like empty words, but, I swear, they're sincere. I . . . I should have told you about what's been going on sooner; I should have told you the moment I suspected that you thought that we . . . that we're still a couple. So what happened, it wasn't your fault; it was my fault - all my fault."

[Bloom]

The lengthy stretch of silence was uncomfortable, but it gave Bloom time to think. There had to be a logical explanation to all of this; one key thing that she was missing that would tie it all together. Her supposed shift of personality, Sky’s lack of suspicion and sudden feelings for another, and now her waking up with no memories of any of this... it all had to be part of some big plan.

The more she thought about it, the more the pieces fell together. She began to build a theory, something that would explain everything. It was all just starting to come together in her mind when they arrived at Alfea. Preparing to dismount the second the bike stopped, her escape was stalled by Sky’s strong hand.

“Don’t,” she responded resolutely. Him telling her right away was precisely what she didn’t need. At least this way she had had the chance to let her head stop spinning, if only for a minute, before the next bombshell dropped. It was not his delay that deserved an apology, it was the fact that he had done any of this at all. It didn’t matter, though. If her theory was correct, then he had absolutely nothing to apologize for. It was the kind of theory that Bloom was sure would result in Tecna whipping out that computer thingy of hers and spouting off a high probability before stating that it really was the most logical explanation. It was the only explanation... at least the only one that Bloom could handle right now.

She couldn’t say anything, though. She had to keep it to herself until she got more information, and until she found out just how many people were affected. If she tipped her hand too soon she could blow everything. She had to be patient. If this was true, Sky needed her and she was the only one who could save him.

“Just answer me something,” she whispered, her eyes practically pleading with his when she looked up at him. Despite how resolute she was about her theory, she had to ask, point blank. “Did you ever love me?”

[Sky]

His throat constricting and his chest tightening painfully at the sight of Bloom's searching eyes - eyes that he felt were penetrating straight through his skin and seeing right into his soul - Sky remained silent for a long moment. It was an easy enough question - one he already knew the answer to, in fact - but it wasn't the knowing part that was difficult. It was the speaking. Because he knew that if he told her the truth, that he had indeed loved her, that it could never be taken back. He would never be able to pretend that he had only loved Christine - he would always have to live with the fact that there had been someone before her. That Bloom had been the first girl he had imagined marrying. That Bloom had been the first girl he had been willing to fight his parents for. That it was Bloom who he had first imagined being the girl to say that she loved him - and for her to be the first girl he would say those three little words back to.

As the seconds ticked by, Sky remained wordless, his head ducked down, before he, unable to keep turning those thoughts over and over in his mind, said suddenly, his voice strangled, "Yes. Yes, of course, I loved you. How could I not have loved you, Bloom? You were everything I ever wanted."

His skin flushing, Sky kept his gaze averted from her as he slowly clenched and unclenched his fists around the handles of his bike as he awaited her inevitable response - a response he wasn't certain he could bear hearing.

[Bloom]

Bloom held her breath as she waited for Sky’s response. She held it until she felt like her lungs might burst, but still he didn’t answer. He wasn’t holding her back anymore; she could just get up and leave. If it was taking this long, she had the feeling she didn’t want to hear the answer. It really was as she suspected, possibly even worse. She had a lot of work ahead of her.

Letting out her breath, she was just swinging her leg over the bike when his sudden response took her so by surprise that she almost fell over. Those were the words, minus the past tense, that she had so longed to hear from him. The timing had never been right before with everything they had gone through. But it was now, when the timing was worse than ever, that each of them had been able to admit anything. It wasn’t fair.

But it was how he said it. Loved. Were. Past tense. If she had been everything he’d ever wanted, then what had changed?

It’s the only explanation.

“A... and now?”

[Sky]

More questions - except this time, Sky didn't know the answer. And that thought terrified him more than anything else because he knew he should know the answer. The answer should be 'no.' A very strong 'no,' at that. He shouldn't even have to think about it for a moment; he should just be able to open his mouth and immediately have that one syllabled word come out. Because he loved Christine. Not Bloom.

And yet here he was, feeling as though a hundred emotions were coursing through his veins. Conflicting emotions. Emotions that cried out that he loved Christine and that he was sabotaging his happiness by remaining here with Bloom. But creeping slowly to the foreground of his mind was another wave of emotions - emotions that insisted that the feelings for Bloom that he was convinced were dead were in fact alive. Very much alive.

It was on that note that Sky finally whispered, his voice barely audible, "I don't know . . . I just don't know."

[Bloom]

It was something. She knew it was too much to expect for him to be able to admit it. The spell was strong, but she truly believed that true love could conquer all. She would find a way to set everything right, back to how it used to be; how it still should be.

“I’m sorry I called you so early. Thanks for bringing me back,” was the response when she finally spoke again. Her tears were dried up for now, and her voice was dead, emotionless.

She knew it had been too much to expect, but God, how she had wanted to hear him say those words. Taking a step back from the bike she gave him his out.

[Sky]

Sky could easily sense the note of disappointment in her voice, but though he recognized it, he knew that there was nothing that he could do to lessen it. All he could do was to be as honest as possible with her and if that meant that he couldn't tell her exactly what she wanted to hear, she would have to bear it - just as he would have to find a way to cope with his return to a state of absolute confusion.

As Bloom took a step away from his bicycle, Sky knew instinctively that she was giving him an out. And though it was the cowardly thing to do and though he knew that any real man would have stayed and hashed the situation out until everything was cleared up, Sky couldn't bear to remain for one moment more. And so he took the out.

Revving his bike, Sky nodded his head briefly in Bloom's direction before he zoomed away - knowing all the while that he was just switching one uncomfortable situation for another. Because once he returned to Red Fountain, he knew what he had to do: he had to talk with Christine. And from the rapidly forming knot in his stomach, Sky knew that it wasn't going to be easy. Not in the least.

[Bloom]

And just like that he was gone. He didn’t say goodbye... he didn’t say anything. He just left. Clenching her jaw, Bloom swallowed hard, blinking her eyes rapidly. She was not going to cry again. Not now.

Just stay focused. Everything will get better.

It was still early, but soon enough the halls would be buzzing with students and faculty alike. She wanted to make it back to the dorm before that happened. Cinching her coat around herself, she forced away her emotions and hurried inside. The girls would be up soon, and it no longer seemed to matter if Flora had gotten to speak to them first or not. What could preparation possibly keep them from saying that was worse than what she’d just experienced? Besides... she really needed her friends right now.