Sometimes You Can('t?) Go Back

[Sky]

At Bloom's admission of fear, Sky felt like giving himself a good kick in the mouth; he hadn't meant to scare her and he certainly hadn't meant to pile more uncertainty on her shoulders. After all, he was the specialist - the 'hero in training.' Didn't that mean that it was his duty to stay calm? To maintain his composure? To soothe others - to not flip out? What a lousy hero he had turned out to be, Sky thought with a scoff. Sure he could wrangle dragons and was a formidable figure when wielding his sword, but when it came to things that really made a specialist a true hero, he might as well be at the bottom of the ladder.

With a mental sigh, Sky shook his head. And there was yet another strike against him - here he was lost in his thoughts when he ought to be finding a way to comfort Bloom. Because even though he had the suspicion that Christine might not be so keen on him reaching out to Bloom, he knew that that was what he had to do. Forcing himself to push the mental image of a hurt, betrayed looking Christine out of his mind, Sky stripped off his jacket and wrapped it around Bloom's shivering body. Tentatively, Sky's arm then followed suit as he gently pulled Bloom into his embrace. There would be time to speak of things like Christine later; at the moment, Bloom clearly needed to be comforted, to be reminded of the fact that even if her memory was blurry, in the very least, she was safe.

[Bloom]

Feeling the weight of Sky’s coat around her shoulders, Bloom was shaken from her memory. But it was the added warmth and comfort of the following embrace that ceased her shivering. Closing her eyes, she leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. This is exactly what she had needed. For a moment, she was able to believe that everything would turn out alright.

“I’m sorry I dragged you down here so early,” she sniffled, trying to squeeze the tears back behind tightly closed eyelids. “I probably should have hung up the phone after the first, I don’t know, dozen rings?”

Chuckling a little, she didn’t move from the safety of his arms. She never wanted to move. “I’m really glad you came, though.”

[Sky]

As Bloom settled into his arms, Sky breathed a silent sigh of relief as her body slowly ceased to shake; for a while there, he had been half-convinced that at any moment, he would have heard her bones rattling in her body from the sheer amount of shaking that seemed to have temporarily taken over her body. As Bloom continued to rest quietly in his arms, though, Sky's thoughts began to unconsciously drift away until it was almost as if his mind had gone completely blank. Consequently, when Bloom's voice penetrated the thick haze that surrounded his mind, Sky started slightly before giving her a sheepish smile. Coughing slightly, he then replied, knowing that he was lying, but deciding that it was best to spare Bloom's feelings, "Yeah, sorry about that - it just took me forever to find my phone. Hate to say it, but my room's a mess and all right now."

At Bloom's laugh, Sky felt his lips twitch into a genuine smile, before it faded just as quickly as feelings of guilt began to surface once more. What he was doing was wrong. Wasn't he leading Bloom on? Making her think things were okay when they weren't? Wouldn't treating her like she was still his girlfriend make it even more difficult on her when she finally learned that he was seeing someone else? Of course it would, Sky mentally berated himself, feeling more and more like an idiot with each passing moment. Cursing beneath his breath, Sky abruptly pulled away from Bloom as he said apologetically, hoping that she would understand, not wanting to say it, but knowing that it had to be said before things got out of hand, "I'm sorry, Bloom, I . . . I can't do this. You see . . . umm . . ."

Come on, just get it out, man, Sky mentally demanded to himself.

"Umm . . . I don't know how to say this without hurting you - and I swear, the last thing I want to do right now is to hurt you - but I'm . . . I'm . . ." Squeezing his eyes shut, Sky then finally blurted out, his voice nearly inaudible, "I'm seeing someone else."

[Bloom]

Sighing contently, Bloom snuggled closer. With everything else going so wrong, it just felt so right to be in Sky’s arms again. His body seemed to lend her its strength and she felt that no matter what happened with everything else, she could get through this.

Then suddenly, the moment was broken and reality came crashing down in the most abrupt and painful way possible. Almost falling over when Sky pulled away so unexpectedly, she felt her heart began to race when he started speaking. She tried to prepare herself for whatever he had to say, everything from arranged marriages to the fact that his parents hated her. She wasn’t ready to try to think of an explanation of what had happened to her and she mostly hoped that Sky didn’t have it.

But there was no preparing for what he finally told her. She felt as if she’d been slapped in the face, kicked in the lungs and stabbed through the heart all in one swift, painful motion. She could breathe, couldn’t speak and could barely hear the silence over her pounding heart. She could only look at him with disbelief. Getting shakily to her feet, she shook her head.

“Wh...what?” she stuttered, studying his face for any hint of humour. It was a poor joke. It had to be a joke. “Why are you telling me this? It’s not funny, Sky.”

[Sky]

His face contorting into a pained expression at Bloom's obvious hurt, Sky knew that there wasn't much he could say to make things easier on her. He knew that he had dropped a bombshell on her and that, even if he didn't want to accept it, that was the way it had to have been done. That if he had waited any longer, he would have caused her more hurt than what he clearly already had.

Not sure how to respond, having not the slightest clue what to say that wouldn't add insult to injury, Sky remained silent, his head hanging down in a gesture that could not be mistaken for anything but regret and shame, before he finally said softly, his tone pleading, "Please understand, Bloom . . ." Realizing the moment that the words crossed his lips that that was asking far too much of her, Sky amended, "It all sounds terrible, but if I could just try to explain . . ."

[Bloom]

Explain? How could he possibly explain this? Even though he had lied to her about his identity in the beginning, and again about Diaspro, she never in her wildest dreams would have thought he could cheat on her. Everything had eventually become so perfect that it just didn’t seem possible! Sure, there was an explanation, but it hurt a lot less to keep talking and make up her own. Maybe, just maybe, he’d confirm it and they’d be able to fix things.

“It’s Diaspro, isn’t it? If your parents are trying to force you to marry her, we’ll stop them,” she said with conviction, believing her story, not because it was true but because it had to be. Kneeling down in front of him, she reached out for his hands. “We’ll just tell them we’re in love, because I...”

She had never said this to him before. She’d never said this to any guy, and it was with all of her heart that she said it now.

“I love you, Sky.”

[Sky]

The moment Bloom said those words, those three little words that carried such a great amount of weight, Sky shook his head and implored desperately, his voice tortured beyond belief, "Please don't say that, Bloom . . . please . . . you don't know how difficult you're making this." Rising to his feet, Sky paced back and forth down a small stretch of the shore before he finally came to a halt, his back to Bloom. It was a cowardly thing to do, but Sky couldn't bear to face her right now, to see the naked pain - and worse, love, genuine love - streak across her familiar features. God, this wasn't how he had ever envisioned this happening. All the time that they had dated, he had always believed that this moment would come - the moment when Bloom was sure enough of her feelings for him that she would tell him that she loved him - but it hadn't. But now this . . . now, the one thing he had wanted so much to hear from her while they had been a couple was being said and he couldn't enjoy it or take pleasure in it. Because there was Christine. And he loved her.

But if that was the case, why was his heart aching so much at Bloom's words? If he loved Christine, it shouldn't matter whether or not Bloom loved him - at least, it shouldn't affect him as much as it was.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Sky finally answered, his back still turned, "It's not Diaspro, Bloom. There's no arranged marriage." Swallowing hard, knowing that he had to find a way to tell her the whole story, something that was bound to be difficult considering her missing memories, Sky continued quietly, "Even though the last thing you remember about us is something good, things between us . . . they were rough, Bloom. Somewhere along the way, we just grew apart and there wasn't any point in staying in a relationship."

That was the simple, understated version, Sky knew, but he was terrified of saying anything more specific. Like telling her that a big part of their breakup was a result of his distaste for her dreadful personality - telling Bloom something like that now would be a serious slap in the face, especially considering that the person she was now was nothing like the person she had been.

But somehow, Sky knew that Bloom would want to know why they had grown apart and so reluctantly, he finished, turning around slowly to face her, "Let's just say that who you are now . . . you're nothing like the person I broke up with. You're you. The you I always thought you were - the good, kind, sweet person. But the girl I broke up with, she wasn't any of those things. And I know that that might be hard for you to fathom right now, but please believe me, I'm not lying to you, Bloom. I swear it."

[Bloom]

When a girl dreams about the time when she can first admit that she loves someone, she imagines the response to be a confirmed declaration of love followed by the most passionate kiss she’d ever known. She would never expect for him to beg her to take it back instead. Sitting back on her heels, she was left with a dumfounded expression as her heart shattered within her chest. This couldn’t be happening. It was all just some big nightmare.

A nightmare that had become her life.

As Sky tried to explain, Bloom just stared at the ground, trying to piece everything together. None of it made any sense. She had become so horrible that he’d left her for someone else? Why? What would have caused her to change so much, and why didn’t she remember it?

“I don’t understand,” she said quietly. She couldn’t move, couldn’t look at him. “I think I’d remember something like being dumped.”

This wasn’t right. They had had their problems in the beginning but they’d worked through them. He had lied to her about who he was and she’d forgiven him! What could she possibly have done that was worse?

“When we met, it was like love at first sight. We overcame everything and it became so much more. I know you felt it too,” she said, her voice still low. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she risked a glance in his direction. “Feelings like that don’t just go away.”

[Sky]

A helpless look crossing his face, Sky stood frozen in place, for once at a complete loss as to what he could possibly say to make things right. Though he had had, on more than one occasion, problems with getting flustered and tongue-tied, it was a rarity that he would be unable to find even one thing to say - no matter how stupid or lame the comment turned out to be. But this moment wasn't like any other moment he had ever experienced. In all the other situations he had ever encountered where he had been at a loss for words, he could recover after a few brief moments. Somehow, by some miracle, some little recollection of something his former etiquette teachers used to say would always creep into the foreground of his thoughts and it would pull him through, would remind him of what the proper thing to say was. But there was no book of etiquette that had ever prepared him for this moment. Nothing any of his teachers had ever taught him had ever dealt with how to treat your girlfri- ex-girlfriend, Sky quickly amended mentally. Sure, he had learned about courtship and how to correctly treat a member of the opposite sex, but all of the things he had learned about in regards to those matters were treated so . . . formally. Distantly. Coldly. And somehow, treating Bloom with the exaggerated politeness that the old etiquette books regarded as respectable behavior for a prince didn't seem right. Because Bloom was right . . . what they had shared together had been so much more than just a meaningless fling. And because of that, Sky refused to treat her like that was what she had been. He owed her that much. He owed himself that much. Because even though he knew that he loved Christine now, he also knew that Christine hadn't truly been his first love. He had known her, of course, as a child and had liked her immensely - but it had been 'puppy-love.' What he had felt for Bloom . . . that had been love. Real love, through and through.

Except, for a while, he had convinced himself that that wasn't the truth. That love had to last forever in order to be real. When things had taken a downward turn in his relationship with Bloom, he had almost convinced himself that he had never really been in love with her - that because he hadn't known the real her, hadn't seen the side of her that had repulsed him, what he had felt for her had been a lie. But now . . . now that it was beginning to seem that the person he had originally fallen for was indeed who Bloom was . . . that meant that his love for her had been real and that meant that had her personality not changed so drastically, he never would have had a reason to end things with her . . .

Feeling more and more ill, Sky's skin visibly paled as he took another deep gulp of air. He was confused, so terribly confused and there wasn't anything he could do to clear his mind. He wanted to forget about everything, to press his hands against his ears and to just pretend that things made sense, but he couldn't. He had to face the situation - had to acknowledge that once again, his love life was once again a jumbled mess. And more so, that he had no clue had to handle it.

Finally lifting his eyes to meet Bloom's, Sky then answered slowly, his tone one of hoarse defeat, "No, you're right . . . feelings like that don't go away." Pausing, he then added quietly, not wanting to hurt Bloom but knowing that he needed to convey to her that his feelings for Christine also weren't something to be dealt with lightly, "But that's not to say that new feelings can't arise either."

[Bloom]

This wasn’t fair. Somehow, without her knowing, her happy life had been stolen from her and replaced with one full of misery and heartbreak. She hadn’t even been given the chance to fight back.

She still didn’t understand. It took two people to make a relationship, so didn’t it stand to reason that it took two to end it? How could she still feel so happy and in love while he drifted away toward someone else? Why didn’t she remember any of this? What kind of spell had been put on her and why?

Placing her hands on the rock, Bloom used them to help herself back up to her feet. She wanted to at least appear strong even as every piece of her felt weak and breaking. He wasn’t denying that he still felt something for her, at least. Maybe it wasn’t too late...

“Who is she? How do you know her?” she asked quietly, lowering her eyes again. She couldn’t meet his gaze. It hurt too much.

[Sky]

Sucking in his breath, Sky shook his head slowly as he hedged, "Are you sure you want to know this, Bloom? I mean . . . I-I don't want to cause you any more hurt and I think telling you about her is going to do just that." Seeing that she wasn't meeting his gaze, Sky tentatively took a few steps forward and then gently touched her hand, whatever doubt he had had about her identity having fully vanished. "Please, Bloom . . ."

The truth was, Sky wasn't sure what he was pleading for. For her to look at him? To understand his predicament? To not ask questions because he wasn't sure he could bear to answer them? He simply didn't know.

Removing his hand from her skin after a moment, Sky took a step backward as he lowered himself onto the rock they had formerly been seated upon. Sighing heavily, Sky turned his gaze up toward the faintly pink sky as he tried to come up with how best to answer her question. As a suitable response failed to enter his mind, Sky stalled for time as he said softly, "You must think me to be quite terrible of a person."

[Bloom]

She didn’t know how to answer his questions simply because she really didn’t know. If it was someone that went to Alfea, Bloom didn’t know how she was supposed to make it through each day seeing the girl that had taken her place. But if he didn’t tell her, would she look at everyone that way, wondering?

Swallowing hard at the feel of his hand on hers, she felt the first few tears break free and slide down her cheeks. And then his touch was gone and she felt colder now than ever. Despite everything, though, in the silence that grew between them, even before his following statement she knew the answer. No matter what he did she could never think him a terrible person. She didn’t understand, and wasn’t sure she ever would, but she couldn’t hate him. She loved him too much to hate him.

Not trusting herself to speak right away, she only shook her head. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to get her happily ever after with her Prince Charming.

“I could never think that,” she said quietly, her tears evident in her voice. “Could you do something for me?”

[Sky]

Watching the tears begin to slide down her cheeks, Sky winced, feeling more and more like a jerk despite Bloom's heartfelt protest to the contrary. And as he continued to silently watch her, distantly, Sky could almost hear the voices of some of his acquaintances - acquaintances that had often mistakenly seemed to believe that they had the right to comment on his relationships - saying that Bloom was such an actress, that everything she did was calculated, that she knew exactly what to do to wrap him around her fingers. But looking at Bloom, Sky knew that that wasn't the case. That Bloom wasn't putting on act - that those tears were real. That the pain in her eyes was real.

And it was because of that that Sky did not hesitate for one moment when Bloom asked him to do her a favor - even though he knew the possibility existed that what she asked of him could cause him considerable discomfort. Instead, Sky nodded his head once and then answered meaningfully, "Anything."

[Bloom]

She was acting more on feeling than thought, but she felt that even though she was the one with the fuzzy memories, he was the one that needed reminding. Maybe if she could remind him what they meant to each other she could win him back.

Before he could protest, she leaned down and kissed him softly.

[Sky]

Not for a moment having expected her to lean down and kiss him, at the gentle touch of Bloom's lips, Sky's surprise left him temporarily frozen in place. Then, as his mind seemed to go completely blank, almost as though his brain had chosen that moment to up and leave him, Sky simply reacted according to the emotions swirling through his body. Leaning into the kiss, Sky brought his hands up to her face, gently caressing her cheeks with him thumbs, before deepening the insistency by which he pressed his lips to hers.

Then, just as suddenly as Sky seemed to be losing himself in Bloom's embrace, he jerked away. Quickly averting his eyes from her, Sky swore under his breath before leaping to his feet. Shaking his head, Sky backed away from Bloom as he said hoarsely, "That . . . that was wrong. You - I - shouldn't have done that. God." Rubbing his temples as the magnitude of what he had done hit him like a ton of bricks to the chest, Sky felt as though all the wind had been knocked out of him. What the hell was he doing? Thinking? Or should he say, why the hell wasn't he thinking?

And then, as much as he tried to suppress that one word from his mind, it surged forth: cheating.

He had cheated on Christine. There was no denying it. No other way to look at it. He was a jerk. Through and through.

A wave of nausea overtaking his body, Sky hurried toward his levabike and got on. Not even slowing down to put his helmet on, something that subtly demonstrated how confused he was, Sky kicked the bike into gear as he said, his voice thin and shaken, "I-I have to go . . . I'm sorry . . . I just . . . I just can't."